I don't think that me being body positive means I need to flip off a camera while I hold a slice of pizza. Hold on, let me go back a bit and explain myself.
As curvy, curly, tall woman of color I was always taught that I had to shrink who I was to make others comfortable. In kindergarten I was taught that my place would always be in the back row for group photos. I learned early in life that my shine would hide and dull others and that wasn't welcomed or allowed. You may not think it's not that deep, but it is. It took me years and lots of therapy to realize the self hate that created. I used to cover my mouth when I smiled because my smile is large and my laugh is loud. I used to straighten my hair, to limit the look of confusion, and the assumption that I was unruly as my curls. I would stay away from loud clothes, because prints were for thinner figures and quieter people. I seriously wore only solids most of which were black, blue and gray. I never realized I stayed dressed like the bruised confidence that I had.
I used to think if I kept removing what made me, me than I would somehow be familiar enough to be loved by those that mocked and stared.
It never happen, instead I became the woman that also mocked and stared at myself.
That season didn't end until I hit my 30's
Today chose to share these photos with you because...
I'm was at my heaviest. My curls are flying. I'm flashing my lipedema and varicose veins without a care in the world. Adult braces couldn't stop smiling. I'm totally bad at accessorizing and out of habit wore my "best friends bracelet" (hi Jess!) Almost everything about these photos are things that should be celebrated because they are some of the unedited, unashamed makings of me.
Up until recently I really struggled to fight the depression that threatened the makings of me. I was simply not caring for myself even though I finally had that part figured out.
These photos are a still glimpse of my fight, I'M WINNING. I seriously enjoyed this photoshoot.
My take on body positivity is loving the makings of me so much, that I honor and take care of them. For me, body positivity isn't ripping down another size or shape or stuffing my face without a single consequence or care in the world. I truly believe self love promotes self care.
God didn't make any mistakes when he created this hair, skin tone, height, persoNatalie, smile, and loud voice that can easily command the attention of the room.
And he surely didn't make a mistake when he created the one and only you!
You're incredible!
Your friend in faith and fitness,
Natalie
Comment below with how you define Body Positivity
